Being the Best
When participation trophies just don't cut it
Good Afternoon!
Welcome to the Tuesday edition of Daily Self—I’m glad you’re here! Today, we’re discussing something that may feel confronting and uncomfortable: being the best. Let’s check it out…
Being the Best
As children, many of us were taught that “it doesn’t matter if you win or lose; it’s how you play the game.” I wasn’t one of those people.
For me, winning mattered. Being the best mattered. Participation trophies meant nothing. Winning meant everything. And I was taught that being #1 opens up opportunities #2 and #3, etc. don’t have.
And, yes, this was very stressful framing as a child. But is it wrong?
I don’t think the concept is wrong… I think the framing is.
Instead of:
“I need be the best student in the Calculus class.”
How does our thinking change if we were to say:
“I have the potential to be 10X better than I am right now at Calculus. How do I get there?”
This is a repeatable approach versus a constantly-shifting competitive approach (i.e., I’m not comparing myself to a naturally gifted math savant).
It’s a framework that can be used to (1) define a goal and (2) create a plan and immediately turns the onus on ourselves to define our potential vs. relying on others to define it for us. Finally, it allows us to pressure test the feasibility of our framework.
Here’s another example:
I need a 20% faster mile pace to win my age/gender bracket in the Boston Marathon. I have 26 weeks to train. Is this doable?
The answer, of course, is no. It’s impossible to safely train to run the mile 20% faster for an entire marathon within 26 weeks. However, running the mile 20% faster is possible by extending your timeline for reaching this goal. Keep in mind that turning your knob on the timeline has consequences. Rather than competing in the 30-34-year-old age bracket, it might take 10 years to get 20% faster, so you’ll be competing in the 40-44-year-old age bracket. That means you’ll be the best 10 years from now if you put in the work.
That’s just reality. For most people, being the best at anything takes time, work, and serious dedication.
Being the best isn't about winning at any cost. It's a mindset that can help us unlock our full potential but needs to be approached with the right framing. Instead of obsessing over defeating others, we should focus on setting goals and creating a plan to reach them. This allows us to pressure-test the feasibility of our framework and work towards our goals meaningfully.
Achieving greatness requires hard work, dedication, and time, but by focusing on ourselves and our potential, we can become what I should hope everyone wants to achieve: the very best versions of ourselves.
Action Item
Ask yourself:
What do you fantasize about being the best at?
How are you approaching being the best? Or have you written that “being the best” fantasy off as impossible?
Now, reframe it. “I want to be 2X better or 50% better at Y by Z.” Does the fantasy feel possible again?
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