Breaking Isn't Always Bad
Embracing resilience
Good Morning!
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Here’s what’s inside today’s edition…
Morning Microdose: Breaking Isn’t Always Bad
Myth of the Day: Resilience means that you’re unbreakable.
Action Item: Thought reframing
(1) Morning Microdose
Breaking Isn’t Always Bad
One of the most significant shifts in my life happened when I learned I could reframe “broken” into a positive, rather than a negative, state of being. I was driving up to Yosemite National Park for a rock-climbing trip—the first time I had been up there since my separation a few months prior. My ex and I had gotten married in Yosemite the prior year, and I was reeling from how fast and coldly everything had unraveled.
Queue the universe (and the Audible algorithm).
I was parked at a Starbucks on the I-5, crying into a latte and scrolling through my audiobook library, when Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser popped up on my recommended listens. If you haven’t read the book, it’s a collection of stories about people who, when faced with seemingly insurmountable adversity, refused to let it shut them down.
When something or someone is “broken,” our natural inclination is to see that as bad or unfortunate. Lesser’s booked helped me see “broken” as an opportunity to learn, and to rebuild myself into a stronger, more resilient person.
Breaking + rebuilding = resilience
Resilience is a concept that has gained momentum in recent years due to organizations like TED, social media, and Oprah. Resilience is simply toughness.
Despite what Insta-fitness influencers say, resilience is not being “unbreakable.”
Resilience is being ok with breaking, because it ultimately hardens your cracks. The more you break, the stronger you become.
Resilience is knowing that even in the shittiest of shitstorms,
You accept the pain
You prevail over the suffering
And you experience an awakening as a result
How to apply a positive mindset to breaking
The following examples illustrate how you can reframe breaking:
Rejection
👎: This hurts so much that I will never put myself out there again
👍: Despite the pain, this rejection was a filter that saved me a lot of time on someone (or something) that wasn’t a good fit
Layoff/Fired
👎: I’m screwed and, out of desperation, I’ll take anything I can get, even it if means doing something I hate
👍: Perhaps this is the universe telling me it’s time to pursue the career I’ve always wanted or to start my own business. What can I do to get myself into a more stable place while I rebuild?
Break-up/Divorce
👎: I’m unworthy of love and belonging
👍: I need to decouple worthiness from external validation. This is also an opportunity for me to look beyond a significant other for community and belonging
Resilience is a personal journey that is not confined by time or predetermined guidelines. We all face challenges, big and small, and have experienced our fair share of hairline cracks and shatters along the way. You hold the power to decide how you rebuild, whether it's mending those hairline cracks or completely transforming your life.
Embrace your resilience, trust in your ability to overcome, and remember that you have the freedom to shape your own path forward.
(2) Myth of the Day
Resilience means that you’re unbreakable.
Resilience does not mean avoiding challenges or denying the difficulties that come with them. It’s not about suppressing emotions or pretending to be unaffected. In reality, resilient people experience pain, setbacks, and emotional struggles just like anyone else. It’s what they do after they break that sets them apart from the rest.
Resilience involves acknowledging and accepting hardships, allowing yourself to feel emotions, and finding healthy coping mechanisms to navigate through them. It’s the ability to adapt, learn, and grow from adversity while maintaining a sense of hope and optimism.
(3) Action Item
“Thought Reframing”
When faced with a challenging situation or negative thought, take a moment to consciously reframe it in a more positive or empowering light:
Identify any negative or limiting beliefs that may be contributing to your response
Intentionally choose a more resilient perspective or thought that can help you navigate the situation with strength and optimism
Write down the original negative thought or belief, and beside it, write a positive and resilient alternative
Repeat this exercise whenever negative thoughts arise, gradually training your mind to naturally reframe challenges and foster resilience
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