Do You Care Too Much?
When not caring can actually serve you better
Good morning!
Traveling internationally and then a 12-hour flight home caused me to completely blank on yesterday being Tuesday. My apologies! I’m back in LA now (at least for the next few days) and attempting to resume my normal routine.
Last Friday, I wrote about body language and had a significant realization after-the-fact. Note: I’m feeling pretty vulnerable writing this, as it taps into the way I see myself in the world, and what I’m about to say is something I’ve tried to “fix” over the years.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve cared too much about what other people think. I worry about saying “the wrong thing” all the time and feel anxious when I know that other people are talking about me. I can’t seem to let go of the fear that I said or did something bad.
Feeling this way means that my mind is in a state of constant replay: going back over and over interactions and conversations. Sometimes, multiple replays at once, so my mind never feels like it’s in a state of rest. It’s exhausting, but I’ve learned to live with it.
Then something wonderful happened in Poland last week. Most Polish people in the places I visited didn’t speak English. I met some folks who had very basic proficiency, but only a few were conversational.
My mind, despite having to figure out how to overcome the language barrier, was strangely at ease. It wasn’t until I noticed some Polish teenagers staring and laughing at me, that I realized I gave no fucks about it. I simply shrugged it off because I had no clue what they were saying.
Thus, for five glorious days, the replays in my head were on pause and I thought “Oh, this is what it feels like to not care what people think.” I felt FREE.
Now that I’m back in the United States, I’ve challenged myself to find that same sense of freedom in a place where I do understand what people are saying about me. The question is: how?
Three things for you to think about
This is as much for me to think about as it is for you, but being able to turn off (or at least turn down) that sensitivity to what others are saying about us seems like the key to freeing our minds and removing self-imposed limitations. It’s so natural for some of us to want to please others, but we often forget that pleasing others may mean prioritizing their needs over ours.
If you’re wondering whether you care too much about what people say or think about you, consider if you’ve let what other people said affect the following (and to what degree):
The risks you decided to take in life
Changes (or lack of change) you’ve made to your life
When you gave up on something in life
Discovery: Every day is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and others. Reflect on these ideas and consider sharing.
Two things for you to ask yourself
In what area(s) of your life are you letting what other people say or think “get to you?” And, why are you placing value on their opinions—do they really deserve a say in the way you want to live your life?
Ideation: Use these questions as journaling prompts.
One thing for you to try
Listen for self-doubt this week. If you hear it, track down the source. You may need to dig through several layers of your own self-criticism, but if you find that the source came from someone else’s opinion of you, then it’s time to face the possibility you’re letting others chart the course of your life.
Experiment: Growth happens when you step outside of your comfort zone and make brave choices. Reply to this email or leave a comment and let me know how it went.
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