The Restart: How to Change the Future
(Without a DeLorean)
Good morning and welcome new subscribers! Even as a freak hurricane bears down on my home (I live in Los Angeles), I am so happy you’re here 🤗 My name is Marek and I write about self-care topics and existential crises that we adult humans face in our 30s and 40s.
My perspective is unique and one you won’t find anywhere else on Substack.
As a trans man, I’ve lived two lives. The first presenting as female, and the next (which started 12 years ago) presenting as male. Being trans has given me the gift of perspective, meaning that I’ve had the unique opportunity to juxtapose the female and male experiences.
If you've been here awhile, you probably noticed that I’ve fallen into the habit of writing a once-weekly post; however, in a continual state of personal up-versioning, I plan to restart the dailies, but “bite-sized.” After all, this newsletter is called Daily Self.
Notice that I used the word restart, which is the topic of today’s post. There are many examples in my life where I’ve started something and failed terribly at it. I’ve often thought anguished over those examples (relationships, businesses, investments, career paths, sobriety, etc.), and wished I had a time-traveling DeLorean to go back and “fix” them. Side note: For anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about when I’m referring to a DeLorean, please watch one of the best movies of all time—Back to the Future.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a DeLorean and can’t travel to the past. However, I do have a tool that has the power to change my future, and that tool is the restart.
One thing for you to think about
Even though we can’t change the past, we can absolutely change the future through a restart. Life offers us so many chances to restart, though keep in mind that those chances become fewer and fewer as we age.
For example:
You cheated on a partner and split because of it. Before chastising yourself and believing that you are unworthy of giving or receiving love, recognize that there is an opportunity to understand why you cheated and to grow into a more mature, ethical person. This is the genesis of a restart, opening up the door for new love.
You failed at something. Restart by trying again, but by changing some variables.
You were sober but fell off the wagon. It’s ok—that happens. We all have reasons for why we drink. Recognize the factors that make you want to drink, and restart with a new sobriety pledge and a plan for managing those factors when they appear (because they most certainly will).
Throughout your life, you will have so many opportunities to restart; however, there’s a little voice inside of you that tries to prevent you from doing so. Do you know what that voice is?
It’s your ego.
Our ego plays a crucial role in shaping our self-worth. It's responsible for monitoring and maintaining how we view ourselves. When our ego is wounded by experiences that make us feel unworthy, it becomes more controlling. This control is a defense mechanism to prevent further emotional pain, leading to self-consciousness, fear, and a strong desire for approval from others in order to restore a sense of self-worth.
Discovery: Every day is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and others. Reflect on these ideas and consider sharing.
Two things for you to ask yourself
Can you identify a past experience or mistake that you could view as a chance for a fresh start?
Reflecting on the influence of your ego, how have your decisions been impacted or constrained in embracing new beginnings?
Use these questions as journaling prompts.
Two things for you to try
Reflect this week on a past event or mistake you've held onto. How can you approach it as an opportunity for a fresh start and personal growth? Consider the lessons you've learned and how you can use them to shape a new and positive direction for yourself.
Pay close attention to situations where your ego might be holding you back. Whenever you sense its influence, consider the emotions and thoughts that arise. Identify one actionable step you can take to challenge your ego's influence and embrace a new perspective or behavior that aligns with your personal growth goals.
Experiment: Growth happens when you step outside of your comfort zone and make brave choices. Reply to this email or leave a comment and let me know how it went.
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